Purple Noon: A nice story done too quickly

Fun Fact: The Talented Mr. Ripley is a remake. 

Bonus fun fact: It's better than the good original.

It feels breezy and clean, where the remake felt far more in-depth. Purple Noon isn't a period piece, it's of the period. It feels like a document of post-War Italy More than a character study. The remake is better! 

Full House, 1987, and Peloton?

Full House is seriously strange. I'm amazed a show about 3 guys in San Francisco raising 3 girls made it as a family show. Or is that just a pre-Tumblr world?

Remember, a commercial for a bicycle was supposed be a    mini-exploitation movie?

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Is that too much porn, or not enough exercise? You couldn't even have Dave Coulier around kids now! Who among us hasn't listened to Jagged Little Pill as an adult and thought:

"Wait? How old WAS Alanis Morissette!?" As the second thing after "Isn't it ironic...?"

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You couldn't have 2 dudes in a bathtub at 8 pm in 2020! How can you have that in 1987?  

Where were the parents of the Peloton Brigade?   

I’m Baaaack

Full Castle

The early 90s were a very innocent time. How innocent? The Peloton commercial would have seemed like a commercial selling a stationary bike, and not a desperate plea of an abused woman. It was a simpler time. A show was a show, not a continuous 7-year-long movie.

There was a time in America were a show with 3 dudes and a couple of little girls could be wholesome family fun.

Too bad things change.

What We Do In the Shadows

Have you ever wanted to see what a vampire liar would look like? No? Why not? To Twilight-y? Visions of True Blood past season 2? Have you ever wanted to see what a vampire liar would look like when a manager's job at Panera Bread was the best job you could get?


What We Do In the Shadows takes perhaps the most over-done genre of the last 15 years and gives it a brand-new twist. Being a vampire when vampires are hip and cool. Imagine a den of vampires bewildered by the society in which they live.  

Now imagine the entire thing as a reality show. It has cutaways, one-on-one interviews, and so much wonderful confusion.

Guillermo, the familiar 


 is the reluctant guide in modern society. This is the show's most genius device. He is their guide through 2019.

The show is returning for the second season in 2020.

Watch a movie premise age badly!

Greta is Baaaaaad

Greta sounds great. Greta should be great. Old lady seduces younger woman into a friendship. The young girl bis looking for a replacement Mom because her Mom died. A suspense thriller that's well-acted starring Cloë-Grace Moretz and Isabelle Huppert.

It should be good. I keep telling myself. I shout encouragement to myself as I schlog through it. I must persevere. My readers depend on me to make funny comparisons between this movie and Game of Thrones!

Ok. You can do this.

Let’s see, old lady played by Isabelle Huppert. Ok, yeah, she’s good in the role. So there’s lots we can do with that. Cersei Lanister. Olenna Tyrell. That’s a way better comparison. Olenna killed Joffery after all.

Ok, strap in Charlie. Focus.

“Slow burn” is just another way of saying boring.

Um…

Okayyy….

Why is this movie so bad? It’s well-acted. It’s beautiful to look at. It’s just sooo stupid. It’s not even badly written.

I’ve seen it before!

A thousand times. Thirty years ago it would have been a classic. Forty years ago it would have won an Oscar. Fifty years ago it would have been one of the best movies ever made. Today, it’s a dull remake of a movie you’ve seen thousands of times.