Lady in the Water is easily one of the most bizarre movies I’ve ever seen. It makes absolutely no sense, and seems so unbelievable that I can hardly understand how it got through the studio process and onto the big screen.

The plot is that a teenaged girl (Bryce Dallas Howard) 

has come into this world through an inter-dimensional hole in an apartment swimming pool in suburban Philadelphia to fulfill a prophecy laid out in a children’s story from Asia.

(Yes, really.)

Ok, wait. That’s not the bizarre part. The bizarre part is more or less the world in which this story inhabits. Much of this PG-13 story involves a girl following the maintenance man around the apartment complex. She is wearing nothing but a man’s shirt, and no one finds this even a little odd. He tries to help her figure out how she is supposed to save humanity. You see, her instructions were so mixed up she could barely even figure them out. A group of people living in the apartment seemed, at least to the apartment manager, to be the key to a very confusing puzzle solved at last by a child looking at the backs of cereal boxes. (Yes, really.)

I should say that I spent the vast majority of the film waiting for the monster I was certain was around the next turn. Even the girl’s first appearance was cast as something out of a horror film. Alas, nothing of the kind happens for much of the film.

Here’s why this is so odd and infuriating: Why did any of this happen? Why do the adults believe a children’s story? Why does no one question why this young woman is following this man around? Why do adults take the word of a child reading cereal boxes? 

What world has M. Night Shyamalan landed us in? Surely not ours.

Game of Thrones is so much better at showing why grown men follow a teenaged girl. 

Not being burned will tend to do that. I hate this movie so much, I refuse to link to it.