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Wednesday, July 31, 2019

The Vanishing (Watchers on The Wall)

2019 sees THE VANISHING, which seems to be a very popular movie title. The title has me like:



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"Am I going to see a ghost movie?!

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"I Don't want to see a ghost movie!"

THE VANISHING proves that people are far scarier than ghosts. All a ghost is going to do is haunt you. People, on the other hand, will bash you over the head with a rock for some gold.

And we get to see four people of different ages duke it out for someone else's ill-gotten gold.

Image result for the 300 butler

The twist, errr if you can call it that, greatly depends on you remembering Gerard Butler from his 300 days. Once again, Game of Thrones wins at the twist!

Thursday, July 25, 2019

Lucy? Don't you mean the Matrix?

Lucy is the Matrix if the Matrix were about drugs instead of computers. She doesn't have to deal with malware and viruses. Instead Lucy, played by Scarlet Johansen, has to deal with the Taiwanese Mafia. 

The Taiwanese Mafia has to deal with her. They are just stand-ins. Cut-outs about as fleshed out as the natives in a John Wayne Western. I want to know why they chose the life of crime? After all, humans have more agency than malware. Malware is just rouge binary code. Drugs are just chemicals. Humans are much deeper than that. Humans have career goals, humans write goal-oriented mission statements optimized for Power Point! 

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Battle of the Blondes

HALT AND CATCH FIRE 

isn't just an old method of avoiding the rise of SkyNet by getting a computer to self-destruct. It's a show about a revolution in a box. It's a show with a silver-haired vixen who is breaking norms.



Before drinking cardiac arresting levels of Red Bull so you could regulate on some chumps during a Call of Duty marathon which has your 

SIGNIFICANT OTHER QUESTIONING HER JUDGEMENT


Before you could by seven pounds of chocolate flavored peanut butter in your boxers without being arrested

A team of intrepid computer geeks had to err...flawlessly copy IBM's code for the ROM BIOS?

And...an executive at AMC said yes? To this? 

Um...ok?


Do you appreciate a good computer building montage? Well then, this is your jam!


The opening of Game of Thrones had higher stakes!




Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Terrible news: Turn: Washington's Spies is better (in one narrow aspect)

I've been in a crisis for a month. The unquestioned supremacy of my favorite show has come into question. Not least, by me. Game of Thrones is supposed to be better. It's supposed to be perpetually amazing. It's supposed to be a boost to my self-image as a human!

How dare a basic cable show be better than Game of Thrones at something! Anything!

Turn: Washington's Spies is great at showing spies and spying! I am trying to find a way Game of Thrones is better! I have an audience to please! It's even better than The Americans! Nothing! It's a tight show! There's no hole to poke.

I mean, it has no dragons, but I'm not missing them. It has basic cable sex and basic cable nudity, but the story is so good,  I don't care. I'm so distraught, I can't even bring myself to review it. My entire paradigm of Game of Thrones fandom has been shaken!

Ok, let me try.

Turn: Washington's Spies is about a real spy in Washington's army. You should see it. How the spying works is really great.



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